Five years ago it was all over, but that’s not the kind of thing anyone notices at the time. I was miserable with a bad case of bronchitis, and it was dark and dreary and I was afraid to lie down and rest because I thought I would suffocate in my sleep. I got up every time, barely able to breathe, and I’d cough till I puked and go about my business.
I was looking for her that December, because she was clever and amusing, especially in Decembers past, but when she turned up, I was disappointed because she seemed to have lost her spark and energy, to have exhausted her creativity. In truth, she was just exhausted; the word came out, later, that she’d been sick, also with bronchitis. No energy for that spark; sick and tired effacing clever and amusing. She didn’t update. She missed her deadlines. She disappointed us. Me.
She died and I lived. I never met her, never spoke to her, barely crossed paths with her. I miss her.
Dateline: Somerset County
X’s Personal Eco-System Status
Date: 12/14/2011
Stress Level: Yellow with bursts into the Red
1-10: 7
Desire: Under control
Fuel: Whatever’s around…
Listening: Ramones
Clarity: More than most
Hair: N/A
Elsewhere: Staying away from there.
Text: Treasure Island
Needing: Fuel and clarity.
Beverage: Chocolate Stout.
all done!
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